| update: |
[Jan. 29th, 2009|05:12 pm] |
didn't lost my job, my boss is actually VERY happy with my performance.
good thing too. car is running kinda rough due to the power steering pump, but easy fix.
phone just broke today, that is just shitty.
so far i think things are going fairly good.
except i don't think she really wants to be with me...
i saw a glimmer of chance and my hope shot up sky high.
i know, that with one last chance, i can show her.
i can show her that i was the ultimate right decision...
if only, if only.
i think about it, i think about her, everyday.
what we had, what i lost, what she lost... all because of me.
everyone is after that one last chance, right?
then why do i deserve it?
because every morning when i get up for work...
i stare at my empty bed, withing she was there to kiss goodbye.
everything i do, i think of how it will benefit "us"
but there isn't even an us... oh if wishes were horses...
i'd most definately be riding just one
and i would be more than happy...
shit.
i miss her...
the way she would put her icy cold hands on my chest under my shirt...
yeah i hated it... so what?
i miss being there for her...
i miss falling asleep next to her.
i miss waking up next to her.
i miss the way we use to cuddle.
and the way we were able to make fun of each other and not care.
i miss her blue eyes hidden behind her blonde hair
i miss her heat at night.
if only she knew how i felt.
how i would show her how much she means to me...
just that one chance is all i need to show her.
i still care about you like we are still together... And i am sorry for the way things went...
i took you for granted and i realised how fucked up i was.
i wont make that mistake again.
only time will tell...
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| Urg... |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|04:50 pm] |
I have a good job right?
Right.
Now... I might lose it new years if I don't have proof I am trying to get my license...
I seriously need to get that... My car needs too much to use it before then, so basically I am royally fucked...
Better start job searching again huh? |
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| So! |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|06:49 pm] |
Here is the dealio.
I have got several job interviews.
One in Clairmont (sp?) - 1440 a month - seems the most promising
One in Palm Springs - Minimum wage laborer for 3 months and then after i do that i start working as a suprvisor over seeing 12 laborers.
palm springs though.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|08:33 pm] |
my heart broke. shattered.
thought about going head first into a car.
this pain
this unbearable fucking pain
keeps nagging at whats left of my sanity
the ripped and torn edges
the pieces falling off
bursting into a fucking flame
my burning desire to make it stop
hault!
rewind...
this could have been prevented....
im losing hope... i cried today, better than what i would have done i suppose... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|10:26 pm] |
Yup, almost ate shit.
no brakes = AHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK AHHHH SHIT FUCK THE GERMANS FUCKKKKKKKKK
just so you know.
so my bike... god damn... it's light as shit. all aluminum, 200+ in the wheels, 3 piece cranks, and it STILL looks like shit. i love it. cause that bike is worth more than most BMX bikes just cause it's like less then 20 lbs and still durable.
i love BMXing
join me and pat in this escapade? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2008|10:17 pm] |
i can't stop from thinking, anyone have a cure?
it's like a pounding sensation, i had something similiar, but i took care of it earlier. now this, revolving, recycling, repetative thought will NOT subdue itself... it's old. get over it, brain. the past is, well, the past, so stop it. |
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| So... |
[Jun. 6th, 2008|02:32 am] |
I broke up with Cortney.... I couldn't take it anymore. My life should be run the way i feel it should be.
I would compromise to an extent... But too much is too much. Plus, i cannot afford her and I.
I am finally the age to sign up to be a police officer, unfortunately. But... Hey, 3,900 a month and i would only work 4 days a week? I can't complain, gonna try for it...
I hate being single i love having someone to cuddle with and talk to when i need too, but things weren't right and the amount of time and effort needed to make thigns right would have put me in a position to go insane.
And to add to my stress, i need to go to my drill weekend on the 21st and 22nd and i have no way to get there. If i don't go, shit could go wrong, very wrong.
I have been looking into going to college for accounting too (the police thing does look nice though) and if i wanted to pursue that course i would need to go to night school and get my diploma.
*Sigh* So much to think about. Too much stress to want to think.
Any suggestions? I am gonna right my world again. I love being stable and not having to worry about anything, i love complain how much my job sucks, i love having to spend sparingly to pay bills, i want the white picket fence with a loving wife and maybe a kid or two with a black lab or golden retriever... I want all this, and i work towards it, i know i can do it, it's just time that i don't like...
Anyone want to hang out sometime? I still have my phone and blah blah blah. |
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| Weird email.. |
[Apr. 27th, 2008|01:20 pm] |
"Lets see if this girl will still be your fiancee if you stop fucking her for 6 months. Are you willing to make that sacrifice???. But no, your dick and her pussy is blinding your love.
You only make $1400 per month. You cannot support a family on this. Once you make her pregnant, your fucked. Now, dont be claiming welfare.
She wants to get a job. I dont know her but most likely you will be supporting her. She will have a very difficult time going to school and working.
My advice is to live without her and save up money. How can you know so much about love at 20?????
So seriously, stop fucking her and sleeping with her for 6 months and if you still feel the love then maybe your meant to be together.
Great Advice from a stranger that your friends agree with me, but do not want confrontation with you."
First off, I would like to say... Wow... Obviously this person doesn't know much about me. Second off, I would like to know what friends i have that think that... I would prefer that you talk to me face to face instead of going to the extremes of emailing me on an email that only a few know of. Third... What the fuck, I recognize this typing pattern, but i don't know where from... I will find out soon enough though and i most likely wont be very pleased with that person...
Anyone have any ideas of what i should do about this? It might hold some truth, but it's highly unlikely...
Anyways, i love you guys, wish i could hang out with you folks more often. |
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| Update... |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|07:13 pm] |
It's a depressing update on my crazy life...
We are getting kicked out of our place cause the landlord decided to rent to a "family friend" or, in my personal opinion, someone who decided to pay more for the place...
Cortneys car is dead and i have to have it towed to my shop to fix it.
The money i was saving for a car now needs to go to a getting a new place.
10 hour days are good on the wallet, but horrible on my body.
Phone got turned off due to... Something? I don't know, need to go to tmobile store and pay 5 months in advance or something.
Gayed by society? Much.
So being as i need a new place, anyone who bothers to read this wanna-be A Series of Unfortunate Events lj and has a place/room for rent that Cortney and I could move into, please, for the love of god (MY ANUS IS BLEEDING) let me know, i will pay any reasonable amount.
I want to hang out with people this weekend, anyone up for that? I must warn you though, it's going to be a day of complete stupidity and lots of laughs (at my expense no doubt). Just need to relax and enjoy myself with some friends. If you want to hangout, post here or send me a message on myspace. Or email me of course. soldierofbodom@gmail.com |
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| Holy crap. |
[Mar. 19th, 2008|08:00 pm] |
Alright, so all you know how i was broke like all time?
Yeah, those days are gone.
I got a job as an auto mechanic for $15 an hour PLUS i have a part time job as a security guard. I'm making like 4000.00 a month. Damn that crap is finally over with. I get my sign on bonus in a little under 2 weeks, thats 14,000.00, 6,000.00 was taxed off the original 20,000.00, but i get 4,000.00 back in my tax return. I work 10 hour days for the mechanic job, and 4 hour shifts for the security job. I get weekends off. Soooo.... People should hang out with me on the weekends, or friday, I have a few of those off too.
YER!
And seriously, what the hell is up with people holding grudges on me for something that happened over a year ago? I have changed so much I am like a new person, but they refuse to even look and me, and act like I am a convict. Yes I made mistakes, we all do. I understand I have messed up a lot, but I HAVE FRIGGIN CHANGED damnit... Come on already. It's annoying not being able to hang out with people cause someone doesn't like me.
And Cala, forgive me... please. You were one of those people, and i remember when we were friends and would talk on AIM and hold decent convo's. I like hanging out with Arielle and Rachel, i would have liked to hang out with them that night, but i knew, by your apparent hatred towards me, that you didn't want me there, so we went somewhere else. I guarantee I am no longer like i use to be so long ago, to hate me now, is like hating someone because they look like someone you hate. Next friday we should all hangout, and you will see, I am no longer "him".
Also... I am thinking about buying a 2004 Chevy Malibu................
Haha syke. Maybe. Or am i just yanking your chain?
WE WILL FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF "CLUB! THE BEAR HATER" |
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| Been a while... |
[Feb. 14th, 2008|02:01 pm] |
Forgot I had a LJ...
Do i still have friends on here?
Let me know, gimme a call sometime peoples!
619-277-0220
I have changed since you all knew me... |
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| :-\ |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|07:01 am] |
So i tried to cuddle with her, and she pushed me away...
Is that a sign?
I mean yeah, she was sleeping when i tried to cuddle up next to her, but she told me to do so, yet she didn't want me to...
i don't know i am confused...
Son after the whole MEPS ordeal i found out that my left eye is cone shaped and i need to get a waiver signed, saying i am good enough to join the Navy... That offsets my ship date by like 3 weeks... Makes me angry... I want to be somewhere else, making money, and doing what i do best, which is working with my hands.
Sucks, but i know i can wait, there is a future waiting for me, and it's something i would enjoy.
Anyone wanna hang out before i get shipped out?
Kinda like my last few days as an immature little dick wad till i have to sharpen up and become a working class citizen...
Found out i need to take out a 40k car loan for the car i want... But i want it...
A 2006 Lancer Evolution MR with a 286 hp all wheel drive death machine...
40 grand...
I'm gonna do it though... Fuck whatever anyone says, unless i can buy my dads 1968 RS camaro... Different story... |
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| Thoughts. |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|03:02 am] |
It's like every time i try, i already know how things will end up.
It's like a sixth sense. Whatever, i just need to grow up and get shit straight.
So, how is it that i don't really understand myself at all these days? I do these odd ass things, and then i am stuck thinking, "What the fuck, WHY DID I DO THAT?!?"
People ask me second chances and i am not always willing to do it, i am done being emotionally drained and stressed. I remember a day in my life where i could wake up and be happy... I don't get much of those days anymore... Hopefully this whole Navy thing will make things different for me.
Here is some good news though: I WILL be getting my sign on bonus, after all this shit, i was still able to find my Certificate and it's a for sure thing i get my 20 grand plus whatever i make in boot camp/A-school. Easy 25k.
Plus whatever i make from the job i will get... Yeah, i'm hoping this shit works out alright.
Like 2 more hours till i am off.
Bye peoples, see you all in September. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|06:21 pm] |
12 hours and i will be on my way to Great Lakes for boot camp...
Wish me luck... |
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| Yeah |
[Jul. 29th, 2007|11:23 pm] |
I am shipped out on Tuesday at 5am...
Heh... Will you guys miss me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|12:29 pm] |
2 more weeks till i leave. i found out i will be leaving at 5am on july 4th.
Just 2 more weeks... wow... It's happening. |
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| Yup! |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|09:00 am] |
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3 more weeks... |
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| Indeed... |
[Jun. 5th, 2007|07:46 pm] |
After i get my shit together, i will be moving out of state... I just need to get away from everything.
I have been planning this for a while now, i just haven't said anything, only a few people know.
My first choice is Michigan... I am not too sure why Michigan, but it's my first choice.
My main fear is going alone. I'll do it if needed, but i would prefer to not do it alone.
Meh, i guess i'll have to wait 30 more days to find out exactly whats going on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2007|07:28 pm] |
I hate stupid people.
I get angry easily. Most people know this, but when i get angry it's not without reason.
Some stupid shit happened last night, and now people are debating on kicking me out. Fucken aye.
I *may* need some place to stay till i get shipped out. I would prefer someone place with no alcohol or cigarettes around.
Gotta love dumb people who assume the worst, and make me into the bad guy.
Fuck me. God damnit. Can shit get worse? Like seriously, FUCK!
I really don't feel like being homeless, and I don't want to call my dad and ask for some help, i am pretty sure i already know the answer. Whatever.
Shits weak. |
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| yeah... |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|04:46 am] |
31 more days till i am gone...
I will then be able to START my life. And actually have one. Fun fun fun. |
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